6:00 AM

6:00 A.M

*Beep* – It’s time to wake up.

As I open my eyes I can’t help but wonder if it’s all really worth it. I keep playing this thought in my mind as I choose what I’m going to wear and as I catch glimpses of my face in the mirror telling me to stop and go back to the safeness of my bed. I choose to ignore it all (again).

6:40 A.M

*Beep*- I have to leave now.

I open my front door even though everything inside of me is telling me to stay,  stay and do nothing, stay and feel everything. I try to make those feelings go away as I turn my car on.  There’s some guy taking about how we are supposed to cease the moment and live everyday as if it were our last. I change the station. Some song I don’t know comes up. I let it play. I’m already halfway to my destination. Still the thought of going back home persists. Sadness, deperation, anxiety they’re all taking over me. There’s just this tiny part of me that insists that I’ve to go to school, after all that’s what a 19-year-old person is supposed to be doing, right?

I park my car. The thought of stepping a foot outside seems so hard, so I say to myself that I’ll wait 5 more minutes.
1..2..3..4…5 minutes have passed and I still feel hopeless. It’s already 7:30 A.M. I step outside and begin walking. Hundreds of other college students pass beside me. None of them seem to notice the heavy weight I’m carrying in my thoughts, after all, everyone has their own kind of burden. I’m finally outside my classroom, everyone is there, still there’s a voice inside of me telling me that there’s still a chance to go, to run back to my car and drive all the way home. I try to turn it off so that I can put on my mask again. The mask that burries deep inside of me everything that I’m feeling (at least for a couple of hours) and allows everyone to see the person they think they know instead of the person I am.

 

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